Just Hold The Phone...

Bahb, Barry Bonds is one of the best ever, even after he knowingly cheated, but I'll still take The Babe.

Why?

Let me first say, it is difficult to compare the game of today to the game of the 20's and 30's, The Babe's prime.

Sure, The Babe only played against the best white players, but, they only had eight teams, so it is not like the talent was watered down. Especially by todays standards.

In The Babe's day they played 12 less games per year, no big deal, except he played 21 years, (his first official year I'm leaving out, he played 5 games, with no homeruns). Bonds is entering his 20th season, so available games is virtually identical.

As far as The Fu2rman is concerned, Bonds has already proven he can hit homeruns at least as well as The Babe.

Maybe better, as he puts more fear into a pitcher than any hitter anybody alive to read this will ever live to see.

So why would I pick The Babe after such a bold statement?

Babe Ruth pitched 163 games in his career, 107 of them complete games, (I know, different time).

He won 94 and lost 46, not too shabby.

That's a 67% win percentage, Pedro Martinez that swings a bat like a girl, (and not one of those big softball girls), has a 70% win percentage.

Add a 2.28 career ERA. (Pedro, 2.71 ERA for those of you scoring at home).

Lastly, The Babe had some great training habits, Booze, Broads, and Baseball...

Yes, in that order.

My kinda guy!

Oh Barry...

Barry Bonds talked to reporters today about, what else, steroids.

I know there will be a big backlash across Baseball, but Barry is a different issue.


Here are my issues with Barry...


He wants to prove once and for all that he is better than the Babe.

That ain't never going to freakin' happen, ever!

Barry, you wanker, go out and pitch a game then you can talk!

Get off the 'roids, and show up still a little drunk from last night or hung-over, then set a record! You will never be the inspiration to anyone like Bahb and the great Fu2rman in the way The Babe was.

Barry said today two things that should be mentioned.

He bashed reporters saying,

``You guys are like re-running stories,'' Bonds said to more than 100 reporters in attendance. ``This is old stuff. It's like watching 'Sanford and Son.' It's almost comical, basically. ... Are you guys jealous, upset, disappointed, what?''

He followed that with saying those same repeorters would be talking about protecting kids from this or that, next week, and we need to do this or that the next week, and so on.

Which is it?

Do reporters get stuck on one story, or do they bounce from one to the next from week to week?

Barry you're an idiot, but entertaining.

Yes!, like some clown, here for my amusement!

Bonds also mentioned that 'roids would have no affect on hand-eye coordination.

Good point!

I would say that too if I knowingly cheated.

But he is right.

It has nothing to do with his ability to hit a round ball with a round bat, but, he is going to be able to push a few long fly outs into homeruns.

Let's say out of 162 games per year, 4 at bats per game, 648 chances, it equalls 5-10 more homeruns all year.

1999 marks a significant fact.

From that year on, 1/3 or more of Barry's hits, were homeruns! Six years straight, I'll give you seeing the ball, but c'mon!

Let's say that the extra steroid power equalled 7 HR's a year, (we'll split the difference from 5-10 and that is already conservative).

In six seasons we're talking 42 HR's.

That is like taking away a whole season.

661 HR's going into the '05 season. Hank Aaron is at 755, The Babe is at 714. We wouldn't be talking about Bonds at this point being 53 HR's away from The Babe, with Barry turning 41 this year.

But Barry's cheating has him at 703 HR's, and unless his forehead finally overtakes the rest of his head and he can't find a helmet big enough to cover that dome, he's going to pass the Babe this year.

Lastly, this bugs me about Barry...

``Because Babe Ruth is one of the greatest baseball players ever, and Babe Ruth ain't black, either,'' he said. ``I'm black. Blacks, we go through a little more. ...

Yeah, like OJ, like Kobe, it's so hard to be a rich black athelete, I'll trade you the great life a regular white guy, if I can have for your burden!

Ummm, isn't the current HR leader, Mr. Henry Aaron a black man?

I know he went through some awful things, threats and what-not. That is just sad.

But times have changed since 1976.

Like the fact that Hank Aaron would not have cheated!

If Bonds had any integrity, he would never have done anything he knew was cheating.

Just like Sammy Sosa is a cheater with his corked bat!

Both should have their records and reputations stripped.

Let them hang out with Jose Canseco and Pete Rose...

A Little Collection Of Emails...

Well, what the hell?

I sent a simple request to send me emails, but damn, these are the good ones! Look at what I have to deal with everyday....

Hey Guys,
My kid sucks at any sprt I put him in. What can I do? He throws like a girl, and anytine the ball comes to him he runs the other way.
Please help,
J. Cxxxxx

Buy him some ballet shoes...


Fu2rman and Bahb,

I'm in college, I have a chance to throw for xxxx, but I just knocked up my girlfriend. I can throw smoke, and I know I can go pro, but what do I do about this chick I knocked up?

Suck it up dude, if you're that good, go pro, the kid will be well taken care of then.


Fu2rman an sports,

I have a coach that suck. He hate me. I can dunk as a freshman, but he dont play me, I came in as the star, i got a car, and my pad is payit for.

You chucklehead, this is my problem with basketball, shut up and listen to your damn coach, you might actually put some useful info into that tiny brain of yours! You must not be very special, LeBron didn't even need to BE a freshman. And we all heard about him as a high school senior, who are you? A freshman and can dunk, please! Bahb's boy is in High School, white, and he can dunk....

Do you see what I mean?

Parenting 101

Bahb and Fu2rman,

I have been reading you guys for about a month or so,
I think you guys are great.

I want to take you up on the offer to give me some
advice.  I'm going fuckin' crazy with my wife and my
10 year old!  He plays in this stupid soccer league my
wife found, they don't even keep score, they cheer for
both teams, it's only about having fun, everyone is a
winner, it's insanity.  I'm trying to teach my boy how
to be a man, compete, win, sometimes lose, but deal
with it like a man!  You win some you lose some, but
you learn from every loss, and then you go out and win
more than you lose.

I keep trying to explain this to my wife, but she
fights me tooth and nail, she says it's good for his
self esteem.  I can't figure out how.

Guys, help me out here, what am I supposed to do!

Steve Kxxxx
Portland OR





This was emailed this evening to

fu2rman@yahoo.com

you can get advice from Fu2r and Bahb too...


Steve,

My heart goes out to you.

I didn't know this stuff was real.  I hoped it was an urban legend.

OK, have you always lived in that damn tree huggin' Portland?

That would be your first mistake.

Second mistake, why would you leave your seed in such a nutjob?

What did you expect from her?

I hope you don't have any girls, or she is going to have your
daughter on the pill by the time she is 11, you know what that leads to.

Now, if this is the case, have her call the Fu2rman once 
she is 18.  Girls like that turn out so nasty.

But back to my point.  You gotta get this woman of yours in line.

You sound like a mans man, although you can't convince your wife
that she is going against human nature, which she is, and you
allow your boy to continue to be emasculated, so I have my
doubts about you.

Here's the deal.

Number 1.  It's about saving your boy, get him the hell out of
that league, I don't care if he cries, kicks, screams, whatever!

He does not go back!

Number 2.  Soccer is Europe, South America, and who cares!
It's as important as Hockey!  The frickin' concept is the
same, one on ice, one on grass, 2 goals, kick or slap a
puck or ball into said goal.  Blah blah blah.....

The boy needs a SPORT!  

Baseball if he's smart and coordinated,
Basketball if he is coordinated and has some height in his genes, 
Football has a place for anything else!

Think about it Steve, Portland, The Trailblazers gotta still be trying to
save the reputation that The Jail-Blazer gave them!

They gotta still be doing community service, therefore,

doing camps for kids.

Get your boy around some NBA guys.

It will shake that little wussy non-competitive BS out of
his system.

Then get him away from them, those guys are idiots!
Bunch of spoiled babies.

But they do like to win.

You gotta start somewhere, just remember, there is no final fix.

These damn kids are a constant work in progress.

That's why I never got one!

Bahb, anything to add?

Bahb's Boy, So Proud....

I've been like an uncle to Bahb's boy.

Especially since one of his uncles is more like a aunt.

When I heard he was going to be makin' 75 G's, I felt a fathers pride! At least I think so, not having any kids that I know of.

75 G's!

The kid's not even out of High School yet.

This gives me hope for the youth of America, especially if kids have role models like Bahb and me...

Parents, if you have any questions about how to raise a such a fine kid, send your questions to fu2rman@yahoo.com

Bahb, Help Me Out Here!

OK this is a moral question.

Bahb, my boss has a daughter, (pictured), I've met her a few times, and then today she handed me this picture. She said, "Am I bad? I might need a spanking!" Then with a wink, she walked away and left. Her intentions are obvious, but her dad gets pissed whenever anyone even mentions how good looking his daughter is. If you even say "Dude your daughter is freakin' hot!" Forget about it! He goes totally crazy!!

You know the question, bosses daughter, totally hot, kinda nasty I now know, so do I or do I not?

Ahhh, The Good Ol' Days!

Speaking of midget B-Ball, and Bahb's Ex, the midget cheerleader, and the things she could do...

Here's an old pic of Bahb's girlfriend, (3rd from the left) and my girls (the rest). Bahb and I are on the other side of the camera discussing important issues, like sports! You gotta get that out of the way before you go home with your girl, or girls in my case, so you can be there for them, until you're finished and sleeping!

Midget Basketball

Well, Bahb and I are going to the Midget Basketball Game at one of our local high schools.

The Midgets are playing the faculty in a charity game, it benefits something, probably the school, but whatever, who cares?

I just want to see a bunch of Mini-Mes' kick the crap out of a bunch of lame-assed faculty people!

I hear the little people got some game! And against the faculty! They were lame when I was in school, so I venture to guess, they are equally lame now.

Bahb, I'll take the little people, if you'll take the 'regular people' i.e. 'faculty' the usuall wager?

Are you in?

What The #%@&!!

If you were Matt Leinart, USC quarterback, would you be pissed off right now?

Offensive coordinator Norm Chow has accepted the same position with the Tennessee Titans.

This story has a few angles.

Let me start with, Matt Leinart did an amazing thing when he opted out of the NFL draft in favor of trying for a record 3rd National Title.

He would have been the # 1 draft pick, with #1 draft pick money!

Instead, he decided that playing for free and risking injury was worth it to keep the team intact.

That's one hell of a commitment!

One Chow didn't make.

Leinart said that if he knew Chow was leaving it would have affected his decission.

Read that as he would have gone pro.

Why on earth would Chow go to Tennessee?

Titan QB Steve McNair is debating retirement, he has been injury prone for 3 seasons, they went 5-11 last year and the team is over their salary cap, so they will have to dismantle the team very soon.

Chow, what are you thinking?

Hey Chow, you know offensive coordinator Charlie Weis left the New England Patriots to go to Notre Dame, right?

You would be a top candidate for any offensive coordinator's job, so if you wanted to go pro, why not New England?

The Pats and USC are similar in some ways, they have a commitment to winning, and players sticking around for less or no money. SC head coach Pete Carroll was even the Pats head coach at one time!

I don't get it, Chow is crazy.

I wouldn't blame Leinart if he split and went into the secondary draft.

Although, he is going to have a stellar supporting cast at USC next season.

I Would Like To Add Someting To The "Gay" Topic

I've had a myriad of emails about the gay topic.

Some saying what insensitive bastards we are, and others saying how much they hate gay people.

I don't think any of them get it!

We don't hate gay people, live and let live I say. But to a straight guy that is acting like a girl, it's the perfect insult!

Like Bahb, all sad about being wrong about some of his predictions, while the Fu2rman is always right!

He put up his thoughts from 1/8 on Rudy T. hoping to show The Great Fu2rman that he still has it.

I never thought he lost it.

See under normal circumstances, I would say he's being a little bitch!

But that would be a gay referance.

Now I have to be a little PC, so as not to piss off any more readers, and not encourage any gaybashing, homophobic closet butt pirates.

Just to be clear, a man that is homophobic, is a man in the closet.

Like Mr. Rickter, or Mrs. Piazza, what is Mike's title now?

How many times have you heard me say "Bahb, you are so right!" All the time!

So from one hetero guy to another, Bahb, stop being a little bitch!

You are a great brother, a great friend, and a great writer, and your sports knowledge is also great.

It's just not the best, because that is my title!

It's good to be the KING!

Incedently, the name Fu2rman did not happen the way Bahb told it. I was the Fu2rman first. Then Bahb started calling me F U 2. It's actually always been Fu2r (Future) for short.